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How to get your House Raided in 3 Easy PHP lines

Overview: (you can skip this part)
After seeing that college student Christopher Soghoian built a NWA boarding pass generator, I thought wow, clever, now maybe the TSA will see how stupid and broken their security measures actually are. Well, not even a day later I found out how stupid I was. Instead of making security changes, Congressman Edward Markey (D-Mass) called for Mr. Soghoian's immediate arrest. Brilliant! The FBI then showed up at his house and served him with some papers ordering him to take the generator down immediately. (I think an email or a phone call would have been just as effective). He took it down. No biggie, right? Wrong. At 2 am that night they bust out his window and take all his computer stuff. Necessary? Apparently. After all, he made a boarding pass generator.

Now, I'm going to show you an ANYTHING generator. Warning: this is extremely dangerous PHP code that will probably get your house (and mine) raided. Good thing they'll never figure out my name.

If you just want to see the final result, here's my Gold Star Generator.

Code:
The actual PHP code (I named mine anything_generator.php):

<?
$template = file_get_contents('generator_template.html');
foreach ($_REQUEST as $name=>$value) $template = str_replace($template, "##$name##", $value);
echo $output;
?>

Note, this PHP is the hard part. He was already given the NWA boarding pass template by going to View Source in his browser. Also note, he's a grad student and I'm only undergrad so he's probably much smarter and his PHP code much shorter.

Here's the form you fill out (goldstar_generator.html):

<html>
<head>
<title>Gold Star Generator</title>
</head>
<body>
<form method="post" action="anything_generator.php">
<table>
 <tr>
  <td>Position:</td>
  <td>
   <select name="job">
    <option value="Congressman">Congressman</option>
    <option value="FBI Agent">FBI Agent</option>
   </select>
  </td>
 </tr>
 <tr>
  <td>Name:</td>
  <td><input type="text" name="name" value="Edward Markey" /></td>
 </tr>
 <tr>
  <td colspan="2">Reason for gold star:<br />
   <textarea name="reason" cols="30">
Brash judgement decisions which encourage 
the arrest of educated and concerned citizens.
</textarea>
  </td>
 </tr>
 <tr>
  <td colspan="2"><input type="submit" name="submit" value="Submit" /></td>
 </tr>
</table>
</form>
</body>
</html>

On to the template. (generator_template.html):

<html>
<head><title>CONGRATULATIONS ##job## ##name## YOU GET A GOLD STAR</title></head>
<body>
<div style="text-align: center; height: 500px; 
width: 500px; background-image: url(http://adamyoung.net/images/goldstar.gif);">
<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />
<strong>##job##</strong><br />
<pre>##name##</pre>
Please accept this GOLD STAR for:<br /><br />
<div style="padding-left:125px;width:250px; overflow:none;">
<strong>##reason##</strong>
</div>
</body>
</html>

How it works:
Simple. On the form make the input names anything you want to use on the template. Put these variables into the template just like I did. Done. 3 lines of PHP can get your house raided.

Since Chris already made the NWA boarding pass, here's some other generators that WILL get you in trouble too.
DO NOT MAKE THESE UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES:

  • TSA Badges
  • Driver's licenses
  • Passports
  • Subway stamps
  • Coupons
  • Bottle return slips
  • Lift tickets

Please check out my Gold Star Generator and if you make one for Congressman Edward Markey please fax it to his office at 202-226-0092.

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